My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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