yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
