NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize