Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
