There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's even glitter on my cock...
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