Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
