I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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