it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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