3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
