My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
