They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
