i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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