I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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