the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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