It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
