i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
as a side note pls kill me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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