Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
