You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
