T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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