she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
