I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
