I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
