hotel room ftw
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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