I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
