i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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