your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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