my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
