Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
