eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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