Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
