Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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