he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
