Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
