Cold hands, warm shart.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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