Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
