i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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