i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
