she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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