At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
