so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
