Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
