If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
