I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
