I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
