I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
