she woke up with a sticky ear
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
