Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
