i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
