ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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