They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
