i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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