Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My bed smells like the plague
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
