Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
two words...techno handjob
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
