Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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