I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
