this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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