At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
