It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
