She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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