I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
