Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
