At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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