he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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