I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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