When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
