I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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