Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
