I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
