I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
