But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
