He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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