Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
