we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize