Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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