my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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