I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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