I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
