so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
