remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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