North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
