I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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