He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize