ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
