drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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