benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
