Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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